I really enjoyed the story itself, but I don't think EMG's voice is best suited for this specific story. As Lazzyz said, the breathing is very distracting and makes it much more difficult to go into and stay in trance throughout the entire file.

Listening to the file while awake I found that the EMG's labored sounding breathing is very distractive and might be distracting. I plan on listening to the file while being in trance soon as I found nothing in the wording to be destructive. The mind control tones are focused on the music playing a larger and larger role in your life and the effect of it lowering your inhibitions. This itself doesn't appear particularly dangerous as such, though it lacks any guidelines on how low these inhibitions can go. So overall I quite liked the story and find the files suggestions to be pretty solid, the recording though I think might cause issues.